Is My Love Enough?

This is the third in a series of a poems about savior siblings. The first in the series My Sister’s Guardian Angel  was from the point of view of the savior sibling and the second In my Eyes, was from the point of view of her sister. Is My Love Enough? , is from the point of view of the mother of the two daughters.

I often wonder to myself, “Is My Love Enough?”

Is my love enough?  For my daughter to feel that she was always wanted.

Is my love enough? For my daughter to know we didn’t just have her to save her sister.

Is my love enough? I constantly ask myself this question about Kate, my second born; the one with the biggest heart and sweetest smile. The one who wants to be a nurse and save others  just as she has saved her sister.

Is my love enough? For her to know she does have a choice even if she feels as if she doesn’t.

Is my love enough? For her to know that if she wants to stop, she can, I won’t blame her.

I often think, my love isn’t enough for her to know all of this, and that breaks my heart.

Kate wasn’t created just to be a means to an end, but often I feel as if my love isn’t enough to express that to her.

Often I feel as if my love isn’t enough--- to express my immense gratitude to her. She saved our whole family, time and time again.

My love as her mother will never be enough, I often think.

My love will never be able to repay her for what we have put her through- but hopefully my love will be enough for her to know that she does matter, that we care just as much for her as her sister.

Hopefully, my love will be enough- for her to know she has autonomy- whether she feels it or not.

Hopefully, my love will be enough- for her to know she could never be a failure in our eyes,  even if she decided to stop giving to her sister.

I can only hope my love will be enough- for her to know all of this and more because Kate isn’t a means to an end, she’s my daughter, and while yes she was created via IVF to be a perfect match for her  sister, she wasn’t just made to be a savior.

She was made to be my second child who I love as equally as the first.

I will never know if my love for Kate is enough.

But I will always love her fiercely and attempt to show her through my actions.

I can only hope my love is enough-- because Kate is my daughter, not just a guardian angel for her sister. Her life means something more to me then just that and I can only hope my love is enough for her to know that.